I have come to experience many new things for the first time since my son Seth has come into our lives. There are so many lessons, discoveries and leaping heartbeats that have changed me.
Today I experienced one of those big things wrapped around my heart. It is up there with the first time Seth fell off the bed and his nose bled. Today Seth is really sick for the first time. He is normally hard to keep still or quiet for any matter of minutes, but today he was resting in our arms for hours and hours.
It was confusion for me. At one end, I was so comforted that he would allow me to hold him and be close to him to quiet his struggle, but at the same time I was turned upside down inside about the fact that my son was not feeling well. Oh man, how the heart of a Father breaks over the struggle of his child.
Last night a great conversations with some close friends reminded us of just how much our Father in Heaven breaks for our sickness, rejoices in our dreams and delights in us asking him for the things we hope for in life.
Right now, Seth can’t communicate to me what he is feeling or what he needs in spoken language, but the unspoken love that is in between us drives me to understand him as intimately as I possibly can. I want to know him, and I want him to know more than anything that I am his dad, and that I am here for him.
Knowing that I’m messed up from the result of sin and how I am able to feel so deeply for my son, I can only rejoice in the truth that my Father in Heaven feels so deeply for me. How deeply he feels for all of His children.
I’ve sang songs that I did not fully understand until today. A particular song lyrics goes “lay back against you and breathe and feel your heart beat”. Tonight, I understood. My son learning what it means to feel embraced, protected, secure, noticed, wanted, and loved. Every effort within dad’s power to make things a little bit better for him.
I know it and believe it, but have fallen far from the same reality that my Father in Heaven is crazy about me, and he loves the nearness of his child coming to find rest and safety with in his arms.
I am overwelmed. My heart is broken for Seth, but I must submit my heart and thoughts to the Lord because God is more crazy about him than I am.
I ask of my Father in Heaven, Jesus the begotten Son of the Father that His presence through the Holy Spirit here on the earth will touch Seth’s body and remove the sickness from him and restore him to great health.
I am so eager and can barely stand to wait for the morning to see him again and ask him how he’s feeling. I hope it will be better, but if he is still battling, then I will be with him caring for him.
The Lord Bless you and keep you. The Lord make His face to shine upon you and give you peace!
Shawn Starbuck 
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